Wake Etiquette in Singapore: What to Wear and Do

Attending a wake is a meaningful way to support a grieving family. If you are unsure how to behave, the guidance below covers the essentials. Above all, presence matters more than getting every custom exactly right.

What to wear

Choose plain, modest clothing in dark or muted colours. Avoid bright colours, and especially red, which is associated with celebration. White is a traditional colour of mourning in many families and is always appropriate.

When to go and how long to stay

You may visit at any time during the wake's stated hours, often from the late morning until late evening. There is no need to stay long. Paying your respects at the altar, sitting with the family for a while, and offering a few words is enough.

Condolence money

At many wakes, guests give condolence money, known as pek kim, in a white envelope. It helps the family with funeral costs and is entirely optional. Write your name on the envelope so the family knows who to thank, and hand it to a family member or place it where indicated.

What to say

Keep it simple and sincere. A quiet "I am so sorry for your loss" is always enough. If you have a memory of the person, sharing it is one of the kindest gifts you can offer. Follow the family's lead on any rites, and do not feel you must fill every silence.